JCobra Silver Cock Ring with Natural Pearl – $2,600
Who doesn’t love dressing to impress? When every part of your body contains a type of jewelry or accessory that completes the package? But, there’s always been something missing, something you felt you left out. Now, the puzzle is complete!
Betony Vernon Ostrich Feather Tickler – $2,999
Designed for erotic tickling, this ostrich feather attached to a sterling silver handle will set you back a cool $2,999.
Pearl Royal – $1 Million
This insane monstrosity of a dildo look like something that has been passed down for generations in Queen Elizabth’s family. It was designed by none other than Colin Burn himself and contains 1000 white and pink sapphires, pearls, and diamonds
King JCobra Solid Gold Cock Ring – $126,585
Cobra Commander’s cock ring of choice, this solid gold snake weighs over a pound and comes with an optional white or black pear set in its mouth. The ring is recommended to be worn through the day for increase in sexual health and manly confidence. Delivery takes around 8 weeks and arrives in the a wooden box that the manufacture claims is created by the same craftsmen that make the interiors for Rolls Royce and Bently.
Coco de Mer Nell Pleasure Vibrator – $17,443
This little vibrator has 5 speeds and is encased in an 18K gold plate. It was inspired by the shape of a coco de mer seed. The vibrator also comes in an artisanal wooden lockbox with gold detailing and a gold key. For my nonexistent money, I’d go with the Inez over this. It’s 24K gold and almost $2,500 cheaper. The lockbox is a nice touch, though.
Sex Doll – $15,982
A normal full-sized sex doll will cost you around $2,000. Most sites, though, offer an insane amount of full customization. Every inch of these dolls can be customized from the freckles to the makeup, hair, eyes, skin, breasts, nipples, vagina, and of course, pubic hair. A top end fully customized doll will run you around $15,000 but who can put a price on love.
Lelo Luna Beads – $3,090
These beads come in 20K gold and I’ll be completely honest, I have no idea how you’re suppose to use these. What I’m getting from watching the product video is that you’re suppose to plop them inside of you and just go about your day. There are little balls inside of these beads that move and vibrate based on your movement, causing your muscles to contract and relax. She suggests wearing them on your morning run, doing chores, or just when ever you feel like having two fucking vibrating balls inside you.
The Tally Ho Chair – $14,000
This handcrafted piece of furniture comes from designer Mark Brazier Jones. It can be used in a variety of ways but with a price tag of $14,000 dollars. I’d leave it in the extra living room that the family never uses.
Betony Vernon 18kt Nipple Clamps – $5,436
These two little 18K gold vice grips are recommended for all the places that they should’t be. The retailer explicitly warns against leaving these on for more than 15 minutes, which is 15 more minutes that I would actually want.
Beckham’s Gift – $1.8 Million
Not since the Holy Grail has a treasure sought after by so many been seen by so few. This $1.8 million gift from the soccer gods was commissioned by David Beckham for his wife Victoria when she became pregnant. It’s rumored to be made of platinum, covered in 10K diamonds and connected to a 16K diamond necklace. You know, perfect for the horny woman on the go.
